Letter to Emily

My dear sweet Emily,

You did it.  You ran the race well.  You finished!  And I am so proud of how you did it.  Yours was a road paved with turmoil and heartache and such extreme pain.  But you are DONE!

As I write this, my heart has so many emotions swirling through it.  I am so joyful and happy for you, and really for us.  We've shared so many memories: roommates in college (and all the weird stories that go along with that), so many summers at Hume Lake and HumeSD, my wedding, Disneyland trips, and so much more.  One of the things I'm so grateful for was your laugh.  You giggled so easily (and I can see now that you get that from your sweet Mama).  We giggled a lot.  It was so easy for us to just laugh at life.  And when life got too serious, or I didn't quite know how to handle a situation, you always told me the truth, even if it stung.  And I respected that and was thankful for your honesty.  Sometimes, my husband can attest, I need a little grounding, someone pulling me back to reality.  You were that for me.

I'm so proud.  Proud of who you were.  That you stood up for what you believed in; that you took responsibilities for your mistakes; that you cared, genuinely cared, for people, mostly children; that you touched so many; that when things started getting rough, you never once blamed God for what you were going through, instead always stating that He is still good.  To me you are just my silly best friend.  But to see the legacy you've left behind and how many people rallied around you, I'm astonished.  We've lived in separate cities after college, so though we saw each other a couple times a year, I was never really a part of your daily life.  I guess I get a glimpse of it now.  All these people and all these teal shirts… chanting "Choose Joy!" because of YOU!  Well, because of God's strength in you.  You'd be the first to correct me on that…it was God in you, not really you.  This whole crazy cancer suckiness just displayed His power and His joy and His strength all the more clearly.  How can anyone go through so much crap and still worship the Lord??  Only through His strength.  Thank you for correcting me in that time and time again, always pointing everyone back to Jesus.

I am sad.  Because I'm human and on Earth.  We weren't meant for death.  And even though millions of people have died, and it's really the only guarantee in life, we can never get used to it.  We were made to live forever with God and never to die.  And death really sucks.  I mean, like really; I hate it.  But I am so so so thankful that sneaking out Sunday before you woke up so I could fly home, or the FaceTime Wednesday morning, wasn't the last time I'd see you.  I will run with you in heaven and dance and sing and worship our Creator forever!!  And can we please plan some time for laughing?  Because I miss that right now.  =)  But until that day, I'm a little sad.  And that's ok too.  Jesus never promised this life would be easy, only that we would have trials.  "But take heart!" We know the One who overcame this world! (John 16:33)

Lastly, my heart has hope.  "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do no grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14)  I grieve with hope.  It's such a strange feeling: sadness and hope together, dancing on my heartstrings.  But, nonetheless, they are both there.  Because I know Whom you put your trust in, and He conquered death!  Death has no power over us.  All it does is usher us into the life we were meant to live.  You just, sadly, got there before a lot of us.  But we will all get there.  And I will run up and give you a hug and say thank you for showing me how to walk this road, this road with only one outcome... how to walk it with faith and dignity and respect.  It wasn't a road without pain or grief or fear.  But it was one with trust and hope.  So, though I do not seek after death, I hope that when I get to that road, that I walk it as well as you did: encouraging people to choose joy no matter what the circumstances; always correcting me that this isn't by your own strength that you kept fighting, but the Lord's; that you never lost your sassy-ness and zeal for life…pain couldn't take that, nausea couldn't take it, paralysis couldn't take that, medication couldn't take it, nothing.  You remained Emily until the day you met our Maker.

So, though my "trials" aren't even a fraction of what you endured, you'd still remind me that they are trials.  That I need to trust Jesus in these small things too.  That I need to choose joy.  Maybe you'd remind me of Nehemiah when he said, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength" (8:10).  So that's what I'll do, M Hilly Deep Hoard… I'll trust Jesus even in the small things.  When my kids yell, I'll choose joy.  When the house is a mess, I'll choose joy.  When I'm tired beyond belief, I'll choose joy.  That's what Jesus did, and that's what you did.  You made a choice to be joyful and honor the Lord with every breath you took.  And I pray that I can make that same choice, every day, every hour.  Joy.

I'll miss you friend.  But I'll see you soon!  Jesus loves you and so do I.



Jenny

The summer we met… 2001 at Hume Lake.  And we can thank Kimi for being prophetic and telling us we were going to be roommates at FPU.  =)

Maid of honor in my wedding

I think this was our first apartment.  Looks like you visited and we played a rousing game of scrabble.

"And they lived happily ever after."  Isn't that what this wall says?

Goofballs….that's what we were together.

Disneyland!

This is us making fun of the "after dark" toys at Disneyland.  I mean, come on.  What are kids supposed to do with those things?  Just stand there mesmerized by them?!?! (Please note we are wearing matching HumeSD sweatshirts!!!)

I have no idea what this is about.  Apparently we were having fun, or at least mocking the fun to be had.

HumeSD, 4th of July parade.  One of my favorites.  I think this is right after you gave my boys their first face painting of all time.  It was probably something glamorous.   

Summer 2014…  This was when I gave you this verse to put up in your house to remind you that though you walk this awful road, you will not be overcome by it.  A friend designed it just for you!

aaaaand the Britney mic photo bomb

August 2015… when I spent a couple days with you and your mom while you were getting chemo at Cedars.  You were very determined to find this little Mexican restaurant in Hollywood.

September 2015… We swung by Loma Linda on our way through town to see you!

October 10th … when your parents graciously flew me down to see you.  I am forever grateful for that weekend.