Wow. I can't believe how much our lives have changed in one week. We've gone through the gamut of emotions, and now are just enjoying this new stage. Let me recount how we got here...
On Sunday, Jan. 2nd, Jeff woke up around 6:30am to go to church. I hadn't gone the last few Sundays solely because I was so uncomfortable sitting up. At the end of the pregnancy, it got to the point where my feet would go numb just in the small amount of time it took me to eat a meal at the table. Anyways, I always get up with Jeff, eat breakfast, and go back to bed. That's what I was planning on doing that day as well. Jeff was toasting me up some cinnamon raisin bread and I was laying in bed waiting for it to be ready. As I laid there, I felt some "water" leak out. Alarmed, I called Jeff in to see what was going on, and indeed there was something happening. However, it wasn't a gush, and certainly the flood gates didn't open up. So, we decided to wait and see what would happen. I got up and ate my toast (a decision I'll later regret) and I just kept leaking in small increments. I decided to call the doctor-on-call and see what he said. Meanwhile, Jeff had to drop off some stuff for church, and I told him I'd keep him updated on whether or not he needed to come back and take me to the hospital. I had a feeling we'd be sent in, so while I waited for the doctor to call back, I finished packing my bag and the boys' bag. The doctor called me back and told me to go down to the hospital to get it checked out. I called Jeff and told him we were going in. I jumped in the shower as Jeff came home, we snapped a few pics of my belly, and we left.
On our way, we called our families and told them what was going on. However, since we didn't know if the boys would be coming that day, we didn't call in the calvary....at least not yet. Jeff and I didn't know how to feel. We were excited, and I started getting nervous. We prayed and talked. It was raining that day, and I didn't know it yet, but that would be the last time I set foot outside for four days.
By the time we got to the hospital, my pants were soaked. I ended up tying my sweatshirt around my waist so I didn't look like a complete fool as I waddled into the registration area. The lady behind the desk wheeled me up to 6th floor, labor and delivery, to get checked out. I had been there lots of times getting NSTs (non-stress tests) done on the babies. NSTs are standard procedure for a pregnancy that has some complications: my complication....multiple fetuses. The boys always passed and they got comments from the nurses every time. One nurse in particular, Debbie, spent lots of time with me. Ethan made this poor woman chase him around with the monitor many times. So, she and I got to know each other. As the registration lady wheeled me up to 6th floor, I was happily greeted by Debbie. She became my nurse that prepped me for the C-section.
As Debbie was getting me ready, Jeff asked if we were going to stay and have the babies. Her response, "Oh yeah...you're staying." After that point, the order of events became a blur. I remember changing into the lovely hospital gown, and I remember Debbie testing the fluid and confirming it was amniotic fluid. I remember Debbie taking down all the meds I had had that day, and anything I had eaten (darn toast). I remember the doctor-on-call coming in and telling me he was going to perform the surgery and that Dr. Swanson had been notified, but he was in Arizona (I was bummed). I remember the anesthesiologist coming in and telling me that they were going to postpone the surgery a few hours because of the toast (he wanted it to digest a little). I remember my parents and Jeff's parents and my aunt Linda coming in the room. I remember trying to call my brother, who was in the mountains. I remember another nurse going through all the paperwork with me and putting in an IV. I remember our pediatrician coming in and introducing himself to us for the first time. I remember Debbie handing Jeff his surgery attire and explaining when he was to put in on. But the biggest feeling I remember, was the feeling of sheer terror and utter helplessness as I lay there with three monitors strapped to my belly. I was so scared and wanted to cry, but couldn't because of the constant flow of people in and out of our room. For years, I used to pray that my desire to have children outweighed my fear of birthing them. So, though I wanted these boys desperately and I was willing to do anything to have them, some of those fears came back. Call me crazy, but having major surgery while I was awake behind a curtain didn't appeal to me. But, neither did natural childbirth. So, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Needless to say, regardless of how I felt, these babies were coming. I was even having contractions every 5 or 6 minutes, though I couldn't really feel them.
When they pulled Sam out and I heard him cry, I started to cry. It was unbelievable that I had a child. However, the crying (mine) didn't last long. The nurses invited Jeff over to see Sam get cleaned up. As he started to leave, my death grip on his hand tightened. Then I remembered that I wasn't the only one he was responsible for anymore, so I let him go. As the doctors tried to get Ethan out, I was particularly uncomfortable because he was breech and his head was up under my ribs. We'll just say there was a lot of tugging until they got him out. I don't remember Ethan crying, but Jeff told me later that he whimpered a lot. Jeff brought Sam over for me to see and I think I cried again. Then I remember Dr. Jones, our pediatrician, come up behind Jeff with Ethan and I got to see both my boys. Then, as quick as they came to my bedside, they took the babies and were gone. So, the next 30-40 minutes I tried to preoccupy my mind by myself as they finished sewing me back up. At one point, I do remember a nurse holding my hand, but I'm not sure how long that lasted.
Once everything was finished, they wheeled me into recovery. I was loopy and couldn't focus on anything because I had complained of back pain during the surgery and I think the meds I was given for that made me a little loopy. I don't know how long I was in there without Jeff, but he eventually came in with a nurse, each wheeling in a baby in one of those plastic baby bins. That's when I got to hold my babies for the first time. I don't remember any particular emotion going through me at this point because I was so drugged up. I do remember the nurse asking me to try to nurse them and I told her no because I wanted to be more coherent when I did that (plus I was slightly afraid I'd drop one of them). So, Jeff and I sat there for a while, marveling at the twin boys we were now in charge of. I eventually did nurse them, per the nurses insistence, but I was still loopy.
I think at some point, the babies were taken back to the nursery and I was wheeled into my room. My first thought as I entered my room was, "Wow. The tile on the ceiling is decorated." A very life changing thought, I know. Like I said, I was still a little drugged up. After all, I just had the most major surgery of my life so far...while being awake.
The rest of that night was a blur. I remember my parents, Jeff's parents, and our siblings come in to see and hold the boys. There were other people in the waiting room, but I was too tired to see them all. So, we closed our room to anymore visitors, stared at the boys some more, and slept as much as we could.
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