The Brannan Life: The tug-of-war in my soul

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The tug-of-war in my soul

Living at Hume has been an adjustment. Some of these adjustments were expected, and some, not so expected. I realized that we would have to go down to Fresno often to get supplies, but I never really thought about the impact it would have on our family being gone from our home so often.

Don't get me wrong; we LOVE going to town, and often are rejuvenated when we get to see family and friends.

...and Starbucks and Panda and Target and Costco...

And staying at our parents' houses is SUCH a blessing! To have somewhere to stay and bunker down for a bit (at any time), and having built in babysitters, is fabulous! We've been realizing how special this is and how wonderfully blessed we are to have both sets of parents in the same town, who enjoy our company. It's such a gift.

But, as in all things in my life right now, I often feel this tug-of-war going on in my Spirit.

...wanting to spend quality time with my children, yet needing a break...
...wanting to keep up my friendships in Fresno, yet wanting to create deep friendships here...
...wanting to just go out on the town, yet needing time in our home without any agenda...
...wanting to turn on the TV and rest my brain, yet the laundry, dishes, etc. are calling my name...
...wanting a nap, yet desperately needing to spend time with Jesus...

There's this constant battle in my Spirit. And I haven't figured out how to deal with it. But as I just reread the above list, I realized that neither side is "bad". It's all good, and it's all needed at times.

The hard part is just knowing what activity to do at which moment.

And that's where Jesus, and his grace, comes in. It's not about depriving yourself of a nap or never doing the dishes. It's about balance, and knowing the appropriate time for each thing that has to be done (be it going down the hill for supplies, or taking a nap, or spending time wrestling with the kids on the floor).

And then giving myself, and those around me, grace when we pick the wrong activity for the wrong moment. I am often kicking myself about the nap I took instead of doing dishes, or the dishes I did instead of reading to my children, or the extra 20 minutes of sleep I got this morning instead of doing my Bible study.

We are all works in progress. We need to give ourselves just as much grace and compassion as we do others.

Balance. Grace. And learning to live in the moment.

That's what I've been learning lately.

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And just because no post is complete without these cute faces, here are some pics I took while spending some time at my parents house in Clovis last fall. Everyone was running errands or working, so the boys and I ran around the backyard and played in the fountains. What is it what kids and water?!?! I think there's an inner magnet in all toddlers and points only towards water. =)